i'll hold a place for you inside
actually..im quite sad..now..i really feel very sad..really really.and its not because of my own problems..
i look at...others..people who have experienced something sad...possibly the failing of the promotional exams, or the losing of a friend..and..i see them try to laugh, try to smile, try to look happy so that people who care will not feel worried.. at this sight...i feel so amazed and overwhelmed..
even as they are feeling so sad inside, they try to not make others worried..they think for others more than they think for themselves.....
and i feel so helpless..looking at them making their plans..trying to feel optimistic about the future..here i am..wasting my life away..being sad when i should be trying hard, working for my own future..i cant stand it..
why do so many people have to leave? i dont want to feel angry..i dont want to feel anger anymore, nor jealousy..those feelings suck..suck..fullstop..im not angry with the school for failing so many people..im not jealous about not getting A's..rationale..no point being angry with the school..its their job to test ppl and fail them...nothing wrong. 2. i didnt hope for an A, i didnt work for an A, i didnt need to get an A, i dont deserve to get A...simple as that.
if i dont want to lose anybody..i should have started to encourage them to study alot earlier, rather than just worrying about myself..actually..believe me.i thought i'd fail chem and physics too..i got lucky..really really..really lucky.
now..i dont feel anger..i just feel that i wont do justice to the whole lot of people who put their faith in me...i have to work for my As from now on..and i will work for them..its really time to buck up..im just giving myself an excuse if i say i dont need to get any A's for my exams..yeah..err.while its true that now i still dont feel the need to get any As..but i shall work for As in case people start saying that i cannot make it..
actually..truth be told, i like it when people tell me something cannot be done..hahaha.seriously..in that case.if i succeed, i get to shove something in their faces and shout out a whole lot of thrash...if i fail.well.i can always work to get it the next time..since its supposed to be mission impossible.right? makes sense right? failing mission impossible on try 1..even heroes and jamesbond can fail.why cant i?
i will not waste this opportunity..gotta change my attitude in life.oh..but i gotta make this damn clear.
im not going to become a hardcore no life mugger.im not going to become some mugger..i will play the piano, i will play the guitar, i will participate in choir actively, i will play bball every week with my teammates, i'll enjoy myself every week by visiting town or going for team outings..im going to have a balanced lifestyle.i promise myself..and on top of that.im going to get my grades..where will i get the time? hahaha..dont ask.dont worry...
ciao
#14
5:35 PM
