等待竟累积成伤害

fell ill on friday night...dragged myself to choir..had a bad experience..crawled home..lay in bed for half the day without falling asleep because a splitting headache was killing me...

managed to fall asleep at night after 2 panadols and lots of water..the fever's back again..seriously..get lost man..dont bug me..

but this has taught me not to be complacent..i always thought i didnt fall sick easily...but i fell ill twice this year..which kinda..sucks..

i want to recover by tomorrow so that i can sing well..

step back..take another look..think far....dont let little setbacks take me down..

i gotta do my best..no regrets.

after so long...they finally completed what we didnt do...congrats juniors..though you guys may feel disappointed (i hope you dont)..i feel really proud of you guys..damn fagging proud..well done..i bet coach must have teared when you guys made it

i feel ashamed that i made no contributions after i left hc..i really feel ashamed of myself..

sometimes, you win..sometimes you lose.hence the "win some,lose some"..

i dont like to believe in "no chance at all"..but sometimes..........the truth is you stand no chance at all for certain stuff..and its not really your fault..circumstances are such that you dont stand a chance at all..at all.just admit it and fight harder for other stuff..

there are many things i regret it life..i think this is one time..i tried my best..if it was not enough..i just have to say.i tried my best.i really did...i always asked myself in the past..when is it that you have tried your best? is there a definition for that? like..100m.how'd you know you ran your fastest..it may not be your fastest possible..like.theres no certain limit as to how much you can do...thats what i thought..

but this time.i know i've tried my best.and i know the feeling.its the feeling of doing everything you can..doing everything you think you should..you did even more than you could actually manage..but you still end up failing..that kind of feeling..sucks.its bitter.to the max.

thanks to my fever and stuff.i teared today..not really cry..but i teared..not the kind of tearing which happens when you get eye infection, but i teared because i felt really sad.really disappointed..that at the end of everything..i end up with nothing...1 year ago..and 1 year later..i didnt gain much except for pain..no pain no gain?? why do i feel like i've gained nothing..

ciao

i know i've gained experience..im more aware of stuff now..im ready to handle stuff like this in the future..

and its not like i want to give up at all..but theres just nothing i can do anymore..and i really need to let it out...because im not that strong to keep everything in me..and im not that strong..to keep on banging against a wall..keep bleeding..keep smiling.keep recovering and telling myself that i can remove a solid wall..then repeating the cycle again..im not that strong..

im only posting..because i think i cant keep on walking against a wall much longer..of course.i dont know how much more i can endure..but i promised that i'll keep trying..and i will, till i can bleed no more..till i can endure pain no more..till i truly know for myself that there is no way i can remove a solid wall..to mend a weary heart..till then..i'll just keep trying with all my heart against a rock wall...

Dedicated to the number 14