haha.better blog now before i get into night mode..siao.once i get tired, its like getting drunk la.start typing nonsense de..
dont feel like doing gp..dont feel like studying for math.dont feel like studying for chem spa..just feel like failing all la.
tuesday is syf.i cant believe it...its here.somehow.last year i hoped that syf would just come quickly.and i can just faster finish it and step down and enjoy life..but i think.its just the same way as back in hc again..after the trainings stop, i feel really empty..hopefully at least after choir is over i can spend more time with the class guys..
yeahh..dont give up dont give up dont give up.i always tell myself that kinda shit..but i always give up one..i can really focus on not giving up if the result is something i really really really really want..if not then.i'll just not give a shit about it at all..
we've reached the stage.whereby..you dont care since long ago..and..somehow.surprisingly..and sadly.i dont care anymore either...i dont know if i have the right to say that im tired.but im really tired you knw..right or not, im tired..yeahh..im supposed to peservere right? supposed to be determined..but how am i supposed to keep going?? when i keep hitting a wall..and keep hitting a wall.and find no way of getting arnd the wall.because the wall is never ending in this direction....its not like i can find a crack in the wall and slowly try to destroy it..theres no crack.theres no encouragement..theres no support..theres only disappointment.disappointment.and resentment.
i have to walk in another direction..before i crack my skull and bleed to death..
leave things to fate? fate's not gonna do shit about anything man..things are changed by men...i tried my best.up till recently i realised i cant give my best anymore..i dont knw what this feeling is..hahaha.its the feeling of not being able to continue giving my best...and yet..i feel that its not really fully my fault that i cant give my best.and yet i can put no blame on anybody...nobody..except myself.lol.the feeling.sucks.
im a coward..im choosing to run away from the pain..
there is no problem anymore.there are no complications..there is no trouble.nothing...its just the scars of your heart that you cant heal...and i cant heal them for you either..i guess.its just too deep..hahahah.i feel helpless.and kinda useless..yeahh.thats it.
ciao
#14
6:43 PM
