越弹越伤心

things dont always go our way..but they dont have to always go against us..

memories are the worst..they are the main cause of my insomnia..

2am in the morning..my eyelids are so droopy that i should be asleep if it is an ordinary school day..but....im not sleeping.haha.thanks to memories..they come back, they haunt me, they make me regret, they make me think, they make me wonder why things have to turn out this way, they make me wish there was a way out, they make me pray that when i wake up the next morning it will all be a bad dream..

but..i cant sleep....not without a few shots of liquor..

i dont get it...why did it have to turn out this way?

worst days of this year..i'll remember it.always..

first chance i have, i'll forget that i ever went to dinner and dance 2009.

i'll forget everything..

i cant live my life like this..wondering, pondering, praying, keeping myself occupied so that my mind doesnt stray..what kinda shit life is that?

but it'll always be a question mark..why? why did it have to turn out this way? why? why?

is it so difficult to just let things return to normal? is it?

at the very least....i really value friendship....i cant stand being treated by a friend this way..and..i never got to understand why..hah..

sometimes you gotta sit down and think, why do ppl take alcohol..its not good for their body, it doesnt make them stronger, it may even give them a hangover next morning..

but maybe..just maybe...it blurs their mind and impairs their thinking for just awhile, so that they may be able to focus on happier thoughts or conjure images of happier times and make themselves believe that its the present.....

hahah.tell me more of that....you know, the stuff about not running away..facing the problem...most ppl think that just by letting it go, you're facing the problem in the face..isnt it the same thing as running away? you're just avoiding the problem..letting it go.cheh..what a nice phrase...its as good as drowning yourself in a pool of whiskey..

i just want to run away..really..i dont want to face any problems..i want to forget that i even have a problem..i wanna run away..all the way..away...

im sorry i cant be like people who can forget stuff easily..move on with their lives..and dont give a shit about what happened..then when ppl ask them why things turned out like that, they just give replies like:"oh, you think i wasn't hurt meh? it bothered me for damn long.. but we just have to move on. it's life." I LOVE THIS KIND OF ATTITUDE.

i wish i could be like this.hahaha.oh ya.i didnt wish for shit this birthday.cos i didnt have freaking candles to blow out.i didnt wish for shit this christmas, cos i was wasted and alone..can i just have a 2 in 1? i wish i can become someone who is able to detach his emotions..move on la! SIMPLE! just move on.i love it..no pain.

ms chua...you were right..we all have to make a choice some point in time..im sorry i made the wrong one..im sorry to all of you.and myself.

its the end of jc life...we wont be seeing our classmates as much anymore..haha.i'll regret not studying harder....in the future..i'll end up taking a job that pays 1.5k per month while all my peers are earning 5-10k..i'll get owned at every family gathering..ppl will start saying shit like, how'd he turn out like that? i thought his studies were kinda good? what happened? aiyo...anything la..say all you want..go and study hard and be a..whatever..doctor lawyer anything which earns you big bucks.but when you ask the question:" how'd he turn out like that?"

simple shit man..he just didnt value his life that much anymore..

hahaha.im loving this!

fml

Dedicated to the number 14