會痛的石頭
i attained enlightenment today...on the train.
anyway..the bus fare is adult fare..i love it. i forgot to tap out when i alighted at hc..
for the first time in life, taking taxi was a far better deal than the bus.
i realised..i really just have 2 words to describe myself.
lazy
perfectionist
i want things to be the best(my perception of best la) for me, and sometimes others..but im too lazy to go work for it to achieve it..so instead i just dont do anything
i never thought of myself as a perfectionist, because i never worked for anything, or worked really hard for anything at all...
the root of the problem is that im just so freaking lazy..i cant be bothered to bring myself together to work hard for sth impt..i just give up when i feel that its not worth the work, or that i cant really achieve the best..thats partly perfectionist right..they want everything to be the best and they work for it to be that way..to them, as long as its not the best, no matter how close to perfect it is, its still not what they want..
this is me....but i lack the resolve and the resillience of a perfectionist..
i look at my dad..he has it all..the perfect perfectionist..everything, do to the best.improvise to the best..perfect for being an engineer..genius.
me...yeah..everything i want, i want the best..but do i actually put in effort for it? no i dont actually put in effort for it..and when i actually do put in effort to get sth i want, if i fail...i'll be dejected..instead of thinking of ways to make life better for myself, i'll just stay down and be a loser.
i lack the will..lack the intelligence and wisdom..
its abit late to regret for A levels..but im hoping that i can take another path....
i just want to show my mum, show my dad, show everybody....i dont need to go that way..i can take a longer way, maybe a tougher way..but i just dont want to go THAT way as of now..in the future, maybe even in the near future, i may feel stupid about my decision..but as of NOW..i dont wanna go THAT way..THE way that everyone goes...
call it straying from the path..or maybe being rebellious..i dont care lah.
2010..sounds good to me.
goodbye
#14
6:49 PM
